Using the Body’s Wisdom as a Signpost to Healthy Relationships

Written by Alexa Frey

Mindfulness means living in our body. Noticing what footprint experiences leave on us.

Some of us were repeatedly hurt by our primary caregivers or other important people in our lives. Repeatedly. Throughout childhood or adolescence.

People hurt us and we got used to that pain. Somehow pain became part of our lives.

Now, as grown ups, we might find ourselves meeting people who hurt us. We might have a partner that doesn’t give us what we need. Maybe he or she is even causing us emotional pain on a regular basis. Or we find ourselves working in a job that stresses us out, day by day.

If we were exposed to repeated pain in our childhoods and couldn’t escape, we are now more likely to stay stuck in and stay in such unhealthy situations or relationships. We’re trying to manage, tell ourselves it’s not as bad. We’re enduring. We’re trapped.

How can we use mindfulness to free ourselves from our past conditioning that creates unhealthy patterns in the present?

It’s simple. By dropping into and checking in with our bodies.

How does this over-chatty and nervous friend make me feel we meet in this loud bar? Does my chest tense up, or does my heart rate increase? Does my body become restless?

How does my body feel at work? Am I feeling claustrophobic? Stressed out? Tense?

How does my romantic partner make me feel every time we meet? A bit anxious that I am not good enough? Restless or bored?

As we start to frequently check in with how our body feels in certain situations and with certain people, we will become more and more aware, which situations and people actually nourish us, and which deplete us.

The next step is to take care of ourselves. Which means, taking the necessary life changes to expose ourselves less to situations and people that leave a negative footprint on our body, and increase the ones, that make us more happy and healthy.

So, mindfulness is about using our bodies wisdom. We don’t always have to analyse every situation or person. How about we just simply start with asking ourselves: how does this right now, make me feel, in my body? That’s it.



Body Scan

Good Friend Meditation


8-Week Interpersonal Mindfulness Course

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