My Mindfulness Journey

daisy

I’ve been a self-taught mindfulness enthusiast for some years now. I’ve read articles, listened to talks, and sporadically practiced meditation, and found all of this to be useful in dealing with the depression and anxiety I’ve experienced since my pre-teens. So when I decided to do an 8-Week Mindfulness Course, I just thought it would be a good way to solidify my existing knowledge, and maybe help me start practicing mindfulness meditation more regularly. I didn’t realise then how much deeper the course would take me, or how much of an impact the following 8 weeks would make.

My Shaky Start

I had a lot of anxiety before and during the first session. As someone who feels anxious about talking to new people, I found it quite challenging. But I soon discovered that I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, which was comforting.

I also found the first body scan meditation emotionally difficult – I found unexpected physical and emotional pain arising. But again, after listening to other peoples experiences afterwards, I learnt that I was not alone in this. The gentle guidance and support from the teacher, Dr. Cinzia Pezzolesi helped me see that my difficulties were not a sign of failure or of ‘not doing it right’, just that I was getting in touch with myself.

The challenges of the first session made me realise that I was not being as present with myself as I had thought, and although it was difficult, I was excited about continuing the course.

Mindfulness Has Become a Lifestyle

Having always practised mindfulness alone in the past, it was really useful to have structured guidance from the teacher, and to be given homework assignments to do each week. Even though I may not have always stuck to the homework, having it to come back to as a reference point was invaluable and encouraged me to stick with it, whereas in the past when I’ve practised alone it was all too easy to let long periods of time go by in between meditating or practicing being aware.

The course has helped me incorporate mindfulness into my daily life, to the point where I would now notice its absence; in the same way that you would notice a difference if you stopped exercising after exercising regularly for a couple of months.

New habits take time to develop, and I found that the 8-week course gave me the perfect space to develop those new habits in a supportive environment. The process was gentle; there was no pressure to do any of the practices and you could adapt the practices if you needed to in a way to suit you. This relaxed and down-to-earth approach therefore created very little mental resistance in me that sometimes happens when we’re told what to do or how to do it. The focus was on intention and that in each moment we have a fresh opportunity to try again. This really suited me, and made me feel safe and supported.

Surprising Benefits

Before the course started, I thought that the only benefit I would get would be a slightly calmer mind. However, the actual benefits are far greater than that, and have taken me by surprise.

The main difference I have noticed is that I now have the mental strength to make healthier choices. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety since childhood, I’ve been told so many times that regular exercise and eating healthily will help, yet depression can make those things seem impossible. Some days it takes all my willpower just to get out of bed and face the day, so I haven’t felt able to develop a regular exercise routine or take the time to prepare healthy meals, even though I’ve tried many, many times throughout the years.

Having completed the 8-week mindfulness course, I find that my choices are changing in a natural way. I can’t say that it’s been effortless, yet feeling more present in my body and having greater mental clarity enables me to give myself that little push to make choices that nourish my body, rather than deplete it. For example, I’ve always been the kind of person who reaches for comfort food, cigarettes or alcohol to make me feel better in times of stress or upset. However, the mindfulness course has given me the skills to be able to soothe myself without always turning to those unhealthy things, which often didn’t really make me feel better anyway. That’s not to say that I don’t still smoke, drink or eat unhealthy food, but I feel more in control now, and those things have become something to indulge in from time to time, rather than an automatic, mindless coping mechanism. In fact, I’ve never felt so healthy in my life! I now feel like I can give my body the healthy things it needs, like giving a gift to myself.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve become kinder to myself in other ways. For example, I don’t beat myself up so much for feeling depressed, anxious, angry or upset. I now have a more compassionate space for those feelings within myself.

Going within and getting to know ourselves better is never an easy journey; it can bring up challenging or uncomfortable feelings sometimes. But I’ve also discovered that it can be very freeing, and has made me feel hopeful about the future, something I’ve rarely ever felt. Being guided through this process sure beats trying to do it alone!

One thought on “My Mindfulness Journey”

  • Pennie

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I recently bought a Mindfulness eight week course with CD but it is tough committing to doing this at home. I will look out for local course. Am eight weeks into CBT through Mind which is really enlightening re my anxiety and depression.

    Reply
Leave a Reply