Have Yourself A Very Mindful Christmas!

“Love the giver more than the gift.” - Brigham Young

There’s nothing more likely to take the sparkle out of Christmas than family tensions. In many households, arguing on Christmas Day is as traditional as stuffing the turkey and entered into with equal gusto. According to research last year, the average British family will have at least five arguments on Christmas Day, with the first row at 10.13am.

When you consider our sky-high expectations and the fevered build-up of excitement during the weeks leading up to Christmas, it’s not surprising we find it so difficult to keep the calm when the day finally arrives. When things really matter to us, it is typical to want to control them. When a bunch of people gets together, each with their own picture of how they want things to pan out, there’s bound to be friction and disappointment.

Lovely though it is to spend time with our loved ones, those guys really know how to push our buttons (hell, they’ve installed them!) and we can have a tendency to fall back into mindless negative patterns in behaviour and communication that we’ve had since childhood. (Bedroom door slamming, bickering, fighting over the remote control or the last chocolate in the box - you name it!)

So, how to have a more mindful Christmas with the family this year? Well, here are seven things to consider:

  • Be thoughtful: Ask your family what their plans are for the Christmas period and how they see you fitting in. Let them know what your plans are, including specific times and dates. Offer to help whoever’s in charge with the food preparation and if it’s obvious that they need support, just take the initiative and step in.
  • Accept them: Try to accept your family members just as they are. The more you try to change them or want them to behave differently, the more they’re going to feel pushed away from you. Try not to disagree outright with them... if you don’t think something they say is accurate or true then say things like “that’s not how I experienced it” or  “in my opinion...” Make sure to be aware of when it’s the ego that’s talking - it likes to be right or to make a statement.
  • Be compassionate: Christmas can be high pressure for everyone. If your mum is getting stressed and irritable, try to put yourself in her shoes. Imagine how she might be feeling right now. Be aware of any family dynamics going on between others - is your dad snapping at your mum because he’s exhausted from the cooking? Are your brothers or sisters nervous because of an old family feud that hasn’t been resolved? A lot of tension can be diffused simply by listening to everyone and their concerns and not judging.
  • Stop and Pause: If someone says something hurtful to you, stop and take a breath. Feel the feelings that may arise and name them - e.g. anger, shame, irritation. Then, instead of a knee-jerk reaction, try to respond in a calm way. It can be helpful to reflect on what it is that is making them act as they are towards you. Ask them what they would like you to do and, if it’s possible, do it without any reactivity. Their aggression is not about you so rise above it. If you need to, retreat to a quiet room to regain your composure with a few conscious breaths, or sit down for a full meditation.
  • Limit expectations: If you have great expectations, you will only get disappointed. After all, Christmas is just one day and, like any other day, it will be a mixture of good times and more challenging ones - however mindful you are. Take these steps in the spirit of playful experimentation and experience what happens, as it happens.
  • Be kind to yourself: It you do slip and get angry or snap at someone, don’t beat yourself up. Hell, it’s Christmas time and completely normal to flip out sometimes…
  • Be mindful: Enjoy the festivities and stay present as much as you can. Savour every morsel of the dinner, spend quality time with the family and don’t let the good stuff pass you by!

Whether you’re with your family or not this week, have a lovely time over the festive break and we hope to see you at one of our brand new mindfulness courses in the New Year!

Best wishes from Alexa, Autumn, and Anna.

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